Rejection

So if you're in the query trenches, like me, you know one thing....

It sucks.

I cannot wait for the day where I can burn all my query letters - after I frame/hug/kiss the version that landed me my agent.

Anyways - I started a new ritual, and so far it seems to be helping a little.

The other day I got rejection on a full. Wah wahh wahhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I was glum.

Then, half a day later, I get a new request for a full.

Woohoo! Party times! Yay!

THEN that same hour - rejection on a partial.

Lame sauce.

My I-just-got-a-full-request dance stopped, and I pouted. For the whole night. I even thought "Well eff this noise - I'm not going to be a writer. I'm going to be a dancer. Or a comedian. Or a pastry chef."'  Then once I realized how long it takes to actually become a pastry chef, not to mention the fact that I can't really bake, I started scratching down a new story idea.

Anyhoo - let's move along, shall we?   So. I'm lurking on the WriteOnCon panel of the pros and an agent somehow describes my manuscript PERFECTLY. She says, and this is a copy and pasted quote from the chat, that she wants "Something contemporary with romance, maybe a twist of magic or something paranormal, but not too over the top"

!!!!!!!!!!!

So naturally I send her my query letter, quoting her in the beginning, and BAM. Full request.

Happy dance ensues. *  I kind of do this thing where I put my hands behind my head like I'm relaxing, squish my face, and put one foot up on an elevated object....then I kind of do this pelvic thrusting thing and i say things like "oh yeah"  and  "you're the champ".   It just as unattractive as you are imagining. *

This time, I write a quick "you're so awesome" note to myself, and take a picture of my smiling face.

Yesterday I got a second pass on my full BUT I reread my awesome note, recalled my sweet dance, and looked at my excited picture.

I  do not feel like a failure.

I'm not glum.

I'm awesome.

So.....to summarize this blog post, I've included a meme of the dashing Neil Patrick Harris.

Sun, Contests, and Gordon

Hey girl heyyyyyyyy (or boy- boys read blogs too)


So summer, august in particular, is known to be kind of a slow time to be querying. But you know what it's an EXCELLENT time for?

Contests!!

So far I've participated in #XmasinJuly, which was incredible. I was on team Michelle and she critiqued my query (and made it way better) and my first pages. I even got a full request out of the deal!!

Right now i'm in MSFV First Line Grabber. I made it past the first round with around...60 yes' and 20 no's. So that was exciting! Next round is the first three sentences which I'm a tiny bit concerned about. I feel like it's a little wordy - so I guess we'll see :)

Hahaha * sidenote *  I'm watching Hell's Kitchen and instead of saying goodbye, he ALWAYS says Fuck Off. I love him.

I've also entered my first 450 words in the Aspiring Author contest. The winner gets $1000 based on votes accumulated for the top five. How sweet would that be *mexico writing retreat* Short list gets posted tomorrow so it's a nice, quick wait.

Last, but certainly not least, is the Defy the Dark contest held by HarperTeen and Figment.com. It's running until Sept. 1 so you still have time to get your entry in! All you have to do is write a short story between 2-4k that takes place in the dark. It's for a YA anthology with some of the biggest YA names out there, so obviously your entries have to be PG-13, but they can be any genre!

How fun!

Here is a link to mine if you want to check it out.

http://figment.com/books/406061-Slim

The only downside is once you hit "Publish" you can't fix any unnoticed grammar errors, so please check your work carefully and don't point out my glitches or it will drive me mad.

Anyways. I'm back to stalking agent's twitters and refreshing my e-mail.

peas.

B- to A++

Good Afternoon kittens...


So I've had an up and down week so far, and it's only Tuesday!

Last week ended on a high note since I MADE IT INTO #XMASINJULY !!!!!!!!

So that was an excellent way to start the weekend.

Then, on Sunday, i'm popping around the interweb when it hits me. Yesterday was MY day on Dear Authors First Page Saturday!!!

Sometimes the entries get a few hits, sometimes they don't.

I log on and there are 48 comments. Four. Eight.

I instantly get nauseous. My palms are sweaty. I'm dizzy.

I start to read them, so far so good. It seems most of the issues are whether Melia would call her doctor Rick, or if she'd eat candy in his office etc. A few quibbles about grammar. Nothing I can't handle.

Then there is a doozy. The words "extraordinarily vile" are used. I couldn't help myself. I laughed. I was shocked.

I know not everyone has to like it, I don't expect everyone too. I think the word vile just caught me off guard.

So I apologized, because I don't ever want anyone to think I'm making light of teen suicide...I've lost more than my fair share of friends that way.

A few more people say they like it because it's not paranormal, a few people don't like it because she's not a mermaid, it's all good.

Still, I wallow in self pity. How pathetic am I? It was one...freaking...page...

My husband took me out for eggs Benedict and tea...which made me feel better....we grocery shopped etc. then I came home to check it out again.

A few more comments about how they're confused whether they like it or not, I'm still a little wounded....so in order to clear up some confusion I post my query letter.

Then I turned ignored my e-mail and cleaned a bit, walked the dogs etc.

Monday rolls around and I'm just drinking some tea, checking my e-mail when BAM. E-mail from DA's Jane.

"Jenna, Did you notice the comment from Nephele Tempest?"

I did a victory lap of my living room. I jumped up and down. I twitter stalked.

Then I found her. My literary guardian angel.

Be still my beating heart.

(Susanna linked to my First Page post)

I've since thanked her, and will continue thanking her...well...forever.

Even if nothing comes of it, and even if I never find an agent, this woman has changed my life by doing something extraordinarily kind for a complete stranger.

I'm now off to figure out how to mail Susanna a box full of puppies, or kittens if she prefers, along with crates of wine, boxes of chocolates, and the freshest of roses.

xox

Too young for high blood pressure

As any querying author knows, contests are a GREAT way to get your query/material in front of agents.

We also know they are incredibly stressful. Like setting-your-alarm-at-5am-to-see-if-you-made-it-in-stressful. Overly-hyphenating-stressful.

But oh so fun.

And as hard as it is to wait to see if you made it in, imagine how hard it is to be choosing 10% of the entries. If i were in TB or England, I'd be delivering wine by the crate.

So far I've held off from begging/tweeting to choose my entry. I hope my work stands for itself, and if it doesn't, I know I have some tweaking to do.

In the mean time, I've been doing random things to keep myself occupied such as:

Drinking
Outlining new projects
Trying new teas
Editing a previous MS
Drinking more
Playing jet pack warrior
Spooning my dogs
Hassling my husband
BBQ-ing
Sleeping
READING THE DIVINERS
Drinking some more.

Anyhoo: Here is a funny little story from the other week.

A giant Oil show rolled through our city last month. Thousands of booths filled our big fair/hockey/rodeo grounds filled with big rigs, suits, and free stuff.

I knew a few people at one booth, so my co-workers and I went to visit. There was a cute guy all decked out in a suit, arranging some free material. He had air fresheners, handy iphone screen cleaners, and condoms. Yes. Condoms.

I took took a few cleaners, and an air freshener, and asked the gentleman about the condoms. 

I love making people laugh...or in this case...feel incredible awkward.

Jenna: I was just wondering if you had any condoms in larger sizes?

Suit: Uhhhh....I think condoms are a one size fits all...

Jenna: Oh, maybe for you....My husband requires something a little larger...

He stands there, mouth open, staring at me.

Suit: These are the only ones we have, I'm sorry.

He immediately turns red and walks away.

I was just trying to lighten the mood, and be funny. Every one else was laughing.

Turns out he is a very strict, formal Mormon man....

Just my luck.

I apologize profusely to his co-workers, who are giggling.....I then hang my head, grab a handful of condoms, and leave.

Seriously? The one freaking person in the entire oil show who wouldn't laugh at a condom joke, I manage to find. 

Anyways. Best of luck to all of you who are entered in #XmasInJuly

Michelle and Ruth, I'm so thankful for you ladies and your hard work. 

I'm excited to read your books!

peas out kittens.

Query Hell

If you are a writer, there are few things more daunting then a query letter/synopsis. They are so stinking hard to write it makes me want to pull out my hair. Which is ridiculous. I wrote the book, I should be able to summarize it in one page and make you wanna read it. Right....right??

Ugh.

So, I'm going to put it below...and you tell me if this makes you want to read it....then I'll tell you a funny story later about a condom and a very pleasant Mormon man.


Dear Dream Agent,

Seventeen-year-old Melia Dawson has been in and out of the Royal Alexander Center for Mental Health since she was six years olds. Convinced she can breathe underwater, Melia has spent the majority of her young life waiting to complete her transformation into a mermaid. What her parents think are multiple suicide attempts are actually Melia’s way of trying to begin her life, not end it. When her most recent stunt at the local pool lands her back in the Center, she meets fellow patient Kass Mercer. To Melia, It seems like the stars have finally aligned; not only does Kass believe that she can breathe underwater, Kass thinks he can fly.  Somewhere between broken curfews and lame horror movies, Kass and Melia fall in love. Together they explore the boundaries of their supernatural abilities through skydiving lessons and late night swims, all while appeasing their therapist, Rick.

When a fellow patient dies unexpectedly, Melia begins to question whether she and Kass are special, or just sick.  Worried for her safety, Rick sends her on a surprise trip to the ocean, where she can finally complete her transformation. When the experiment doesn’t go as planned, Melia sinks into depression, dragging Kass down with her. Together they teeter between reality and delusion as they struggle to accept themselves for who they truly are, before one of them pushes their limits too far.

Washed Up is a contemporary young adult novel, complete at 57,000 words.
My name is Jenna Lehne and I live in Calgary, Alberta with my husband and 2.5 dogs. My debut novel, Second Hand Lace, is due for release April of 2013 by Turquoise Morning Press.

Thank you for your time,

Jenna etc.



Well there it is folks.....I'm off to find a patio and a slushy drink.

I'll be back.

Passion Party

So. I have been thinking a lot about what I want this blog to be about....I read a lot of writers blogs, and they have writing tips, book reviews, etc...but I just don't feel like that's what I wanna do. So I'm going to try something different.

 Hilarious and or Embarrassing stuff always happens to me, and it's often inappropriate. Like, I can tell you in real life, but I don't need my 500+ fbook friends, and twitter followers to read it. Because people judge. It's true. So I figured my secrets are safe with you, my nine blog followers. So. Here we go.

I had a Passion Party the other day. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a sex toy party. Nothing to crazy, just a few aesthetically pleasing dildos, a few bullets, lots of creams for various, uh, parts....and even some things for the fellas.

Anyways, I made some funny treats, and bought a tonne of wine.

Anyways, the party was great fun. People ate, drank, and shopped to their hearts content. Once everyone was gone I took the remaining wine and went down stairs. I saw two televisions ( we only have one) and promptly passed out.

So a few days pass, and my order comes in! Woohoo! I ordered some Pleasure Pearls, which aren't actually that pleasurable, especially if you have a lot of stairs to climb, some G-Spot Cream, and a lovely, bright pink vibrating dildo, complete with a butterfly stimulator. So. I took everything out of it's packages and gave them a nice thorough cleaning. Then they sat on my night stand, taunting me. The pink one scared me. It was a lot girthier then my wine hazed brain remembered. I decide to just relax, maybe watch a movie or something, and let my mind warm up to the idea. I open my side door so my dogs can have free reign, and pop some corn.

Around half an hour later, I hear a thump. I run upstairs and find nothing tipped over or broken, so I return to my movie. Another twenty minutes or so pass, and the dogs are silent. If you have dogs, you know this is not a good sign. I pop my head outside and find them playing with their toys. All good.

I decide to change into some shorts, so I go upstairs. Something isn't right. Something is missing. The bag of sex toys is gone. I look under my bed, I look on my bed. I look in the dog kennels, I look in the living room. I look everywhere.

Then I hear it. The faint tinkling of childrens laughter. I go outside. Boys are jumping on their trampoline, kids are playing next door while their parents BBQ. My dog is in the middle of the yard, fully exposed, gnawing on my pink, girthy, flutterfly. My other dog has successfully chewed the cap off the G Spot cream. The pleasure pearls fun oyster case is destroyed, the pearls scattered.

I turn fifty shades of red ( ha ha) and scamper about the yard picking things up. I then lock up the dogs and hide in my basement. I'm still in here. If anyone can drop off some food, it'd be appreciated.

FML.

Camp NaNoWriMo

Hey Team!

I've been busy! Busy at being the worst blogger ever...clearly...I haven't posted in like..a month.

So. here it goes.

I'm doing Camp NaNoWriMo - for those who don't know, it's a sadistic ritual writers put themselves through, which requires them to write a freaking novel in thirty days. It's hard. But. it will be worth it. I decided to work on my untitled Mermaid story - my last post had the first chapter in it if you're interested.

Here are the problems I'm having with it so far:

I cannot write at home. It's THE most painful thing in the world. I have dogs. I have a husband. I have TV. Wine. Bath tub. Friends. All sorts of distractions. I have to write at work whenever I find the motivation/time

I am just over 20 000 words in ( I clearly did not write all that in four days, the first chunk took a couple weeks) and don't have an outline. Enough said.

My characters won't stop making out. It's like...every time they're alone, they're trying to hook up. Controlling them is harder then you think.

I'm struggling with whether or not my characters should have sex. I hear it limits your audience...but it seems like a natural step. AND they're almost eighteen. People have sex before they're eighteen all the time, right?

I'm constantly getting new ideas for new books. It's maddening. I've been tempted to start new projects twice already and it's only the fourth day. I need the voices in my head to move out for a bit.

So that's where I'm having issues....what about you?